Just cropdusted the office
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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