yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
