So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Acid is not a monday night drug
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
