The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize