She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
