Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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