I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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