The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
