Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
