Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
