I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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