I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
