I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize