I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
