Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
