I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
