mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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