I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You are a genius and a whore.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
