Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
