If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
