he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
