I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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