he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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