I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
