Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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