Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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