Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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