I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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