Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
