I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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