xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
