White coat. Heels.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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