Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
