How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
