honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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