i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Panties = found
Randomize