Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
