I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
