You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
