is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
