New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
