Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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