im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Randomize
