i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
