i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
