He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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