I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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