Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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