Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
