I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
