I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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