So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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