I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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