# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
