When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
