You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
