you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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