dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
