She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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