youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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