Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
