i need an iv and a liver transplant
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
