"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
