Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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