I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
