My nipple is on Facebook.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
