So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My life is pants optional.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
