I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
